Taking a last glance at Love was very difficult. As I walked to my movie with my best friend all I could think was him. In my mind, I wanted him here... beside me...as we watched a movie together.
"We could hold hands.. If we watched a horror flick... I would find excuses to get closer to you... If we watched a comedy... I would experience your smile for the first time...Sigh what a beautiful smile you have.. We could share laughs together."
"JAMIE... snap out of it." as my friend interrupted my thoughts. My thoughts of him became a tease...just a simple dream that will not come to reality. "Why do I continue to give my hopes up?"
As the night passes, I began to force myself to stop thinking about him. He was overpowering my focus. He was beginning to take over me but I would not allow it. I would not let Love in. "I will keep my focus." About a week later, I refused to attend anything that required Love's presence. "Nah, may be some other time.. I have tons of homework." "I do not have a ride may be next week." I had successfully pushed love out completely... So, I thought... Oh what a fool I was. "I will keep my focus." I have to keep my mind straight.. I decided the only way to trick Love is to never see him again. I will never focus on Love.. I will never let you in..
My best friend asked, " Do you want to go to poetry night with me?" I replied "No, thanks, I have to babysit tonight". I got the hang of this "finding an excuse" thing. I knew how to lie with a straight face. So my friend went without me.
Love noticed that there was an empty chair next to my friend. Love was curious to know where I was. My best friend replied "She is babysitting". In reality, I was just hiding from Love hoping he would forget that I ever existed. "I no longer want Love in my life.." "How could Love fall in the hands of another woman.." "I once claimed you in my heart, buried you in my soul, and spoke of you with sweet words coming from my lips. I gave you a second chance..Love?"
Love remembered me.. he acknowledged my unknown presence. He told me friend to give me a message. The message was "She sucks for not showing up." My best friend laughed a little and promise to give me this message. Once the message was given to me. I acted like it was nothing..but inside I hid my excitement right beside the feelings I had for Love. They were both trapped underneath a bondage of bitterness.. in the file of just being "STUBBORN". I could not believe that I was recognized by Love. My presence matters...
I checked my facebook and noticed a friend request from him... (immediately pressed accept). So I began to write a wall post to him. Hey, I heard that you was talking about me behind my back. You SUCK for doing that. LOL" (just to start conversation..I was trying to fool myself to think that I was STILL not letting Love in). I thought about not submitting the wall post but my finger continued to hoover over the mouse button. I nervously and slowly clicked the button SUBMIT. The message was sent. No more looking back. After submitting the wall post I roamed around his page a little bit. I noticed that his relationship status was not what I thought it would say. I smiled and read... Single.
My heart raced...
(To be Continued)
